


Reconciliation

by Herperlo_D



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Cloud Gets His Memories Back, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Pre-Slash, Sephiroth Gets His Memories Back, They Deal With It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 01:02:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13112523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herperlo_D/pseuds/Herperlo_D
Summary: It's a proven fact that it takes about fifteen meetings for old enemies to reconcile.(Provided that it is preceeded by at least one round of reincarnation.)





	Reconciliation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sephykins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sephykins/gifts).



> For Sephykins, have a merry Christmas! I hope that I have lived up to expectations and that you'll enjoy this.
> 
>  
> 
> CW: There are descriptions of depression in this fic. If you don't want to read it, skip meeting no. 4.
> 
>  
> 
> Same disclaimers apply. Un-betaed so all mistakes are mine.

1.

The world outside the shop was drab and grey. Rain came down in buckets, drowning the world in a blanket of water. In a small pet shop tucked between a Starbucks and a bank, Cloud sighed tiredly into his hands, elbows resting on the counter next to the cash register. It had been a really long day for him– a long week actually, never mind the fact that it was only Tuesday. The rain certainly did not help– it made everything look depressing.

 

 _Urgh, travelling home later will definitely be a disaster._ Cloud winced when a flash of lightning split the sky in half, followed by a deafening boom of thunder. The windows rattled a bit. _Yeap. That's definitely not going to be any fun._

 

He guessed that that’s what he gets for being a broke college student in desperate need for cash– accepting an emergency posting in a town two hours away by car. At least his boss was kind enough to give him a big bonus for this. If he managed his gas and his food properly for the week, he should be able to splurge and get a new coat before winter arrives. 

 

Cloud straightened with a grimace, rubbing gingerly at a spot low on his chest that had been aching all afternoon. He probably should tidy up the shop now so he could shave off a few minutes of clean up later. Thankfully, the rain had been a great deterrent for most customers so Cloud only had to rearrange a few things on the shelves at the back of the shop. Most of the mess came from the box of new merchandise that Cloud had been meaning to unpack since the morning, but hadn’t had the energy to.

 

Cloud heaved the large box up onto the counter opposite the cash register and rummaged through the drawers for a pen knife. He cursed the previous cashier under his breath as his hands sifted through a disorganised mess of broken pens and paper scraps. Not a single cut-able thing to be found. Cloud threw the pens and scraps out, simultaneously shifting the rest of the contents into some semblance of order. Five drawers and half a dust bin later, Cloud crowed loudly in triumph and raised a rusted pen knife over his head, filled with a sense of accomplishment. Of course, until he came back to himself and sheepishly brought his arm down, ears burning red in embarrassment. _Thank god that I’m the only one here_. He thought, and was unable to help the quick glance over his shoulder as though someone would pop up from out of nowhere and have evidence of his silliness. Cloud made a face to himself and got to work.

 

It was about fifteen minutes into his sorting when the chime above the door gave a cheerful ring as someone entered the shop. Cloud, faced away from the entrance, called out a distracted, “I’ll be with you in a minute!” while he struggled with three stacks of specialty cat food that wobbled threateningly in his arms. It took some time before he could turn carefully to face the new customer, keeping both eyes on the teetering towers of tins.

 

“Sorry, let me just put these down.” Cloud apologised, still looking down, doing an awkward half turn and shuffle towards the table.

 

Focused as he was on his task, Cloud didn’t notice the new visitor tense up at the sight of him, or the way they swayed alarmingly on their feet, looking as though they had been punched in the stomach. But he did notice the short pounding of footsteps and the following slam of the door as the stranger rushed out of the shop and into the rain.

 

“Holy shit!” Cloud yelped, head snapping up and his whole body jerking in surprise, sending cat food tins scattering across the floor. His hand was pressed to his chest in shock, heart running a mile a minute. Panic raced through his veins at the unexpected noise, but looking up, Cloud saw no sign of his mysterious customer. The door chime swinging madly in place was the only evidence that someone had been in the shop at all.

 

Cloud frowned.

 

He could have sworn that he saw a flash of silver.

 

 

2. 

Cloud walked down the street, muttering furiously to himself while shuffling the stack of papers in his hands.

 

_Malignant tumours… able to spread … has a network of, umm, blood vessels… different from typical capillaries…_

 

Cloud chewed on his lip, rolling his eyes up to the sky in thought.

 

_Also contains collagen fibres that –. Wait fuck, what do they do?_

 

Cloud flipped his notes furiously, mouthing the words as he ran a finger under the sentences. He sighed loudly, running a frustrated hand through his hair. Cloud was sure he could just kiss his grades goodbye. At the rate he’s studying, he could probably scrape a B-… _probably_. Cloud clicked his tongue, annoyed. He hardly had time to study for his tests between classes and his jobs, but what other choice did he have? He had to keep up with rent and bills and shit somehow. But not getting good enough grades meant losing his scholarship, which meant needing to work more for tuition fees and consequently, get lower grades. So, it’s pretty much a no-win scenario all around for him.

 

Cloud turned the corner at the end of the street, face still buried in his notes and tried to magically stuff as much information as he could into his brain. Maybe he would be lucky enough to spontaneously develop eidetic memory and ace his test? Hah! A man could dream.

 

Distracted as he was, he hadn’t noticed the man walking towards him until his shoulder caught his arm, sending the both of them staggering.

 

“Oh! Sorry, my ba–.” Cloud trailed off, staring at the man he had bumped into. Or rather, his back, because the man was already walking away. His attention was caught by the mesmerising shine of silver hair tumbling down the man’s back. Cloud stared, gobsmacked, at the retreating figure as he walked further and further away from him, unable to take his eyes away from him. Strangely enough, there was something about the tall man that called out to him– a niggling feeling that he should know him, but Cloud was sure that he had never met him in his life. He definitely would have remembered someone so striking. Cloud tried calling out to the man again, intent on apologising properly, but it was impossible. The man was too far away, clearly power walking down the length of the street– almost as if he was trying to get away from Cloud as quickly as possible. Cloud frowned.

 

Well, that was rude of him.

 

 

2.5.

Cloud rubbed his forehead, an insistent headache drumming a staccato against his temple, as he stuck the key into the keyhole and shoved the door to his apartment open. Stumbling through the dark, Cloud toed off his boot and dropped his bag on the coffee table before gingerly easing himself onto the couch with a silent groan. He laid back and closed his eyes, shifting until the spring at the centre of the cushion stopped digging into his spine so that he could relax completely.

 

The headache had started shortly after bumping into the rude man on the sidewalk and Cloud figured that it was probably because he spent too long under the sun without water again. So, he elected to head home to get some rest because there was no way in hell that he was going to get any studying done when his head felt like it was being chiselled at like the noses of the ancient pharaohs.

 

Cloud was glad that he reached home in the late afternoon. It was the perfect time to take a long nap because with most of its residents at school or at work, the apartment complex was quiet and peaceful.

 

Excellent napping conditions.

 

Cloud kicked his feet over the arm of his couch and snuggled down into his pillows, setting his phone to ring two hours later (just in time for dinner) and stuffed his phone under the throw pillows at his head, closing his eyes to get his well-deserved nap.

 

_____

 

_Fire surrounded him, burning all he had and everything he had known to the ground. He was screaming, and screaming until his voice had gone hoarse._

_Ma! NO!_

_He ran through the burning village, through dirt streets that were so painfully familiar yet not at the same time._

 

_Where was he?_

_Nibelheim._

_He ran and ran, not knowing exactly where he was running to, yet certain that he must go that way. In the distance, the old mako reactor glowed an acid green against the grey-brown of the mountain face. The night sky above it was completely clear– not a single cloud or star. It was unnatural._

_He was beginning to tire, his sides in stitches and his legs shaking with exhaustion, but no. He can’t stop. Not now. Not yet._

_He ran up the mountain to the reactor. The fact that it shouldn’t take this fast to reach it never crossed his mind. All he could think about was that he_ had _to reach there now, Now, NOW._

_Behind him, a presence rose into the sky, ten metres in the air, grotesque in its entirety. It’s glowing red eyes pierced through the night, arms removed at the sockets and hair so pale, it looked like silver. He turned to face the new threat, shifting his infantry rifle behind him and drawing a sword nearly as long as he was tall._

_How he had it when a moment ago he was carrying only his gun? He did not know._

_He scanned the monster in front of him, looking for weaknesses he could exploit. Possibly the strange metal helmet-like contraption on its head? Maybe. It was worth the shot. Or the red protrusions extending from its body? He could target th_ e _appendage sticking out of its abdomen like an umbilical cord first. Weaken it before going in for the kill in case it was stronger than it looked. Better to overestimate its strength than underestimating and getting killed._

_He jumped into the sky, ignoring the fact that he had cleared the huge distance between them effortlessly. No normal human should be able to do that._

_With two quick swings of his sword, he landed back on the ground and the monster split into three: the appendage, its body and its head, falling from mid-air. He watched the head fall with a strange sort of indifference. He should be happy that he had gotten revenge for his burning hometown, and yet he was not. Not at all. He was missing something…_

_The pale hair fluttered in the_ _air as the head fell, reflecting what limited light the burning village had given him. It shone in the night, seemingly as though it was emitting its own light. He looked at it curiously, trying to piece together why the sight of it had his brain scream at him. And then it hit him._

_Long silver hair, whipping around in the strong wind._

Is this your home town? What does having a home town feel like? _A gust of wind came and he thought that he could feel the hair tickling his arm through the material of his infantry uniform._

It’s nothing much. It’s fine I guess, sir.

 

_Eyes slanted over to read his body language and he made sure to remain as relaxed as he could to not reveal the dread he feels being back in this place of nightmares._

_Cat-slit eyes that glowed the colour of the mako pools he played around in his youth._

 

Secure our accommodations, soldier. _The tall man commanded and the only other infantry soldier snaps a smart salute._

 

Yes, sir! General Sephiroth, sir!

 

_Overeager and so ready to please. His chest ached badly for some reason._

_General Sephiroth…_

_Sephiroth._

_The whistle of blade cut the air. The plunge of blades through his body. The agony._

Cloud… you are just a puppet.

 

His body wasn’t his own. He couldn’t fight against that man.

 

Who would have ever thought a failed experiment would prove so useful?

 

_Sephiroth._

_He had so much hate for him. Kept killing him to save the planet from his madness and running away from his own._

_Sephiroth._

 

 _Green eyes. Long, silver hair. Black leather coat flapping behind him with every step he took. Confident, even in his madness. He was The General. He took everything from_ Cloud _– no, from Cloud._

 

“Sephiroth!” Cloud shouted, shooting upright and covered in cold sweat. The sight around him was momentarily unfamiliar and he panicked until he remembered himself. He was Cloud. He was not _Cloud Strife._ He was not on Gaia. Not in Nibelheim, or in Midgar or anywhere else on that thrice-damned planet. He was Cloud Richter and this was his apartment. He had not been killed, or experimented on, or stabbed in his twenty-two years of living on Earth.

 

“Shit.” Cloud cursed and clenched his hands into fists on his lap. He was so disoriented, still feeling _Cloud_ in his mind trying to take over the controls and hunt down the rude man from this afternoon– _Sephiroth._ Cloud clenched his jaw and wrestled _Cloud_ into a dormant state, knowing logically that there was only a very small chance that that man he saw, though was unmistakably Sephiroth, was not _Sephiroth_.

 

He wanted so hard to believe that his dream was only a dream, but he knew that it wasn’t. Not with _Cloud_ in his mind and the new set of knowledge on how to care for swords too big for him to ever lift and motorcycles that run on a different sort of engine waiting to be used.

 

The apartment was quiet, save for the sound of his panting. Cloud wiped the sweat off his face and tried to calm his frazzled mind. He looked down at his hands laid flat against his lap, palms up. They were shaking.

 

Outside, a car backfired with a loud bang and Cloud is jumping from the sofa before he even knew it. With _Cloud_  close to the forefront of his mind so recently, _he_  swarmed back and it took Cloud a few minutes to convince _him_  that there was no threat and back into _his_ dormant state. Cloud blinked back into the real world to the sight of himself standing in a ready position facing the windows with his floor lamp held aloft like a sword.

 

Cloud calmly put the floor lamp back in its original place and smashed a pillow into his face to muffle his scream of frustration.

 

_Fucking Sephiroth, that son of a bitch._

 

 

3. 

Cloud stabbed the backspace key furiously, deleting the reply he had drafted for a particularly rude email. Seriously, how people could be such rude assholes to people they’ve never met was way beyond him. Cloud cracked his neck and calmed himself enough to type out a semi-cordial version of his previous reply, if only to prevent the douche on the other side from receiving an email cussing out their ancestors and getting him fired from his much-needed source of income. 

 

Cloud was lucky to have gotten a receptionist job at the local vet. Not only were his shift hours a match with his other jobs and his classes, but he also could play with the recovering animals during his breaks (a major bonus). Best of all, he actually likes this job, but when faced with situations like this, Cloud really hated the fact that customer service was one of the easier jobs for a broke college student to get and keep.

 

He signed off the email with the name of the clinic and clicked ‘send’, watching as the email disappear and a small notification pop up, informing him that the email has been sent and does he wish to un-send it? Cloud closed the notification and clicked on the next email, mentally sighing at the passive-aggressiveness that was practically dripping off every sentence. 

 

Cloud scrubbed his face tiredly. God, he was so tired. He hadn’t been getting much sleep since he bumped into that man– _Sephiroth, Cloud_ hissed viciously in his mind and Cloud squished that little voice in his head until his past-self? his subconscious? left him alone.

 

Great. Now he has a headache.

 

Cloud heard the door of the clinic swish open and looked up to welcome the new visitor with a well-rehearsed greeting, pasting on his best customer service smile. But a single look at their face had him faltering in place.

 

Piercing green met shocked blue.

 

“Se–.” Cloud clamped his lips shut and forced the plastic smile back on his face. “Good afternoon, sir. Welcome to Animal Avenue. How may I help you today?”

 

Cloud was proud of not stumbling over his words, even though the sight of his once-nemesis had his hands trembling and nerves set on edge.

 

Sephiroth looked visibly uncomfortable as he set the cat carrier on the receptionist counter, tucking his hair behind his ears twice before even saying anything.

 

“Hello. I, uh, I would like to have this cat checked up.” Sephiroth gestured awkwardly at the cat carrier on the table as though Cloud couldn’t have guessed which cat he was referring to.

 

Cloud swallowed heavily and held on to his smile despite the strong urge to throw his chair at the man and flee. Cloud shuffled a few things around his desk to get his shaking under control before picking up a clipboard and securing an empty information sheet to it. He made sure to have an eye on the fidgeting man the entire time. Satisfied that he wasn’t about to be killed on sight, Cloud rattled off the typical questions, pen poised above the paper.

 

What is your name? Is this your first time coming here? Did you book an appointment? Is this a routine check-up or is this a new cat?

 

Sephiroth tugged a lock of his hair in agitation and answered promptly, for which Cloud was grateful because he wanted this conversation to be over ten years ago.

 

Sephiroth Cohen. Yes. No. No, she's sort of a new cat.

 

Cloud raised an eyebrow, his pen hovering over the checkboxes on the information sheet and Sephiroth hastened to answer. “I–I mean, the cat isn’t mine– it’s a stray, but I accidentally hit her with my car and I couldn’t just leave her in the middle of the road so I brought her over here as fast as I could and–.” Sephiroth realised he was rambling and clamped his mouth shut, cutting off the rest of his sentence abruptly. Two blotches of pink appeared high on his cheeks. 

 

Cloud sat frozen in his seat, gaping at the bizarre sight of Sephiroth blushing. His brain simply couldn’t match the image of the awkward, uncertain man standing in front of him with the egoistic monster he remembered from his previous life.

 

An uncomfortable silence descended in the room.

 

As the silence was sliding into suffocating levels, a loud meow from inside the carrier broke through the tense atmosphere and both men jumped in surprise. Sephiroth’s hand immediately shooting up to comfort the cat and Cloud– it was all a giant blur that split second he saw Sephiroth’s arm jerk up– _Cloud_ burst into life from where _he_ was watching in the corner of his brain. _Cloud_ recoiled, chair scraping the tiles harshly, and instinctively raised _his_ hand to _his_ waist, reaching for a sword– _his_ sword, First Tsurugi.

 

He grasped empty air.

 

Blood was rushing past his ears. His heart in an iron grip knocking on his ribcage, pounding muscle against brittle bone. The air was sweltering around them, thick with tension and Cloud could hardly breathe through the molasses. _Cloud_ had taken over his mind, fingers itching for the familiar feeling of _his_ swords in _his_ hands and the weight of materia around _his_ wrists. The world had narrowed around them until there was nothing else in _his_ sight other than Sephiroth, scrutinising every twitch in preparation for an attack. _Cloud_ would do whatever it takes to survive.

 

To anyone else, Cloud must have looked insane– one arm raised in front of him in defence, and the other holding empty air behind him, but to Sephiroth, all he could see was a man trying to hold himself together when confronted by one of his worst fears in the flesh. If he were anyone else, Sephiroth would have felt pity, but now, he was engulfed by an overwhelming sense of guilt.

 

He did that. He was the one who made such a strong man so terrified by the mere sight of him. There was no joy in that; no accomplishment in reducing a human being nearly to purely instinctual responses in a desperate attempt to live another day.

 

The strangest thing about the human conscience is that you can forget what you had for lunch this afternoon, or the name of that place you loved to hang out in as a child, but you never forget every single time you had bullied someone. It is a regret that stays with you even after a thousand apologies and making amendments. For Sephiroth, he can never forget all that he had done to Cloud. In this life and the last, directly or not. And he doubts that he could ever make it up to him.

 

Granted, it wasn’t his fault per se, it was _Sephiroth’s._ But Sephiroth had nearly three months to sort through and accept his past self, while Cloud barely had three weeks. And although it was not he himself who did that to him, Sephiroth still felt responsible for putting Cloud through literal hell.

 

So, Sephiroth was the one to make the first move. He adverted his eyes, treating Cloud like he would a feral dog, and moved slowly, making sure not to make any sudden movements. He picked up his cat carrier and backed away from the desk without turning his back until he reached the glass door, where he said so quietly that Cloud could hardly hear him: “Apologies, I will come over later today instead.”

 

And left.

 

The doors slid shut with a gentle whoosh behind him.

 

A second passed. Two.

 

Then Cloud collapsed back into his seat, trembling uncontrollably with his heart beating double time. He breathed in deep, pulling in air until he felt stretched to his limits and let it go in a harsh, dry sob.

 

The remains of _Cloud_ slipped back into the furthest corners of his mind and Cloud covered his face, feeling utterly drained. There was no excuse for the way he had acted. Sephiroth had been nothing but polite and non-threatening since he entered the clinic and what did Cloud do? Ready for an attack when the man was reaching for his damn cat carrier. Gods, he was pathetic. Cloud wasn’t him anymore and neither was Sephiroth the same man who went to the fucking vet because he knocked over a fucking stray cat. The _Sephiroth_ Cloud knew would not have thought twice to leave the cat to die if it meant that _he_ could accomplish _his_ goal of reunion. Perhaps this Sephiroth was more similar to the _Sephiroth_ that _Zack_ had befriended than the _Sephiroth_ hell bent on destroying all of Gaia. Perhaps. But Cloud never got to know _Zack’s Sephiroth_ and it wasn’t hard for the _Sephiroth_ Cloud knew to be the only impression of _Sephiroth_ to have.

 

Cloud let out a huge breath, and scooted back to his desk, tagging Sephiroth's information sheet with a post-it note saying that this man would come by later for the person in the next shift. He still had two more hours left and many emails unanswered before he could get off work. Then once work ends, he would go home and curl up in bed with a giant tub of mint ice cream. He figured that he deserved some comfort food.

 

 

4.

The sudden blast of Fall Out Boy shocked Cloud awake. He was disoriented for a moment, still caught up in dreams that were neither pleasant or unpleasant, but still gave him a feeling he cannot name. He couldn’t say that he liked them. Cloud shoved his hand under his pillow, groping for his phone and pawed at the screen until the music stopped mid-word. If he had snoozed it or actually turned it off for the day, Cloud didn’t know and didn’t care.

 

Cloud flopped where he was, mushing his face into the pillow, too tired to move until it was too difficult to breathe and turned on his side, pulling his blanket up to his ears.

 

Oh no, it was a bad day again.

 

If Cloud had the energy, he would have sighed, but he settled for staring at the wall and letting his mind wander. He’d get up later.

 

Three minutes later, his snooze alarm rang, but Cloud didn’t move from his spot. He should get that, he thought. He would turn it off later. 

 

The alarm rang for a minute before turning off automatically. Peripherally, Cloud knew that he probably should get up. At least, before the next snooze alarm rings because he does have a long list of things to do for the day, but other than a twitch of his fingers, Cloud didn’t move a muscle. He stoned at the wall.

 

Three minutes seemed to go past in a blink and the second snooze alarm rang, louder than the last. The music was near blaring in his ear despite the layer of foam and cloth between them, but Cloud didn’t move– couldn’t move. He was just so tired. Why? He didn’t know. He was perfectly fine yesterday, but it seemed as though a switch had been flipped sometime in the night and now he couldn’t seem to bring himself to do anything.

 

The second alarm came and went. Then, the third alarm and finally, Cloud managed to get his body to move, inching his hand under the pillow until the deafening song stopped abruptly. Cloud sighed in relief and relaxed into the bed.

 

He should be getting up now. He has two essays to complete and another to plan as well as all his readings for the next week, but the more he thought about the things he had to do, the more tired he became. It should be completely illogical for him to be tired before he even did something, but eh– he’d worry about it later.

 

Cloud watched the sunlight creep up his wall as the morning neared afternoon. He will get up now, Cloud told himself. His form stayed unmoving on the bed.

 

The shadow of him against the wall travelled a few centimetres and Cloud told himself, ‘Get up, now.’

 

His body remained still.

 

There was a fly in his room. It buzzed around, coming in and out of his field of vision, limited as it is. The fly landed on the pillow in front of him– so close that Cloud could almost see the individual facets of its eyes. He only blinked and after staring at each other for a few seconds, the fly flew out of the window again. 

 

Cloud could hear the people on the streets from his bed. It should be around lunch hour, based on the amount of noise. Lunch is important. He should leave the bed to eat something. And he will leave it… now.

 

A few minutes passes and his stomach gurgled loudly in protest. _No?_ Then he will do it, _now._

 

Or maybe later. He was still quite tired.

 

There was someone knocking on the door. Cloud’s eyes slid to the right instinctively, though he could only see part of the ceiling and nothing further. He wasn’t expecting anyone– not that he’d ever expected anyone. It was hard to actually expect someone when there was nobody to expect.

 

There came the knocks again. Six firm knocks: three in rapid succession, a pause, then three more.

 

Cloud wondered if he waited long enough they would leave him alone. The person was most likely a salesman and he did not feel like dealing with their pushy attitude at this moment… at any moment really.

 

No dice. The person at the door didn’t give up. They knocked again and Cloud knew that they won’t leave until he answered the door.

 

Cloud slid off the bed in a close imitation of a slug. Rolling took too much energy and so did standing up straight. If those sales people wanted to meet people who were glad to see them, they were working the wrong jobs. Cloud wanted to sigh, but sighing took energy he could not afford to use if he wanted to escape a desperate sales pitch. Why else would the sales person come to sell their wares in Cloud’s shitty apartment block? Not because they were spoilt for choice, that’s why.

 

Cloud shuffled to the door, the knocking having ceased when the knocker realised that Cloud was on his way to the door. Cloud was simply grateful that the knocking stopped.

 

Cloud had been ready for anything on the other side of the door. Girl scouts, sex toys sales, washing machine sellers, you name it, he'd met them before.

 

Never in a thousand year would he have expected to see Sephiroth standing in the middle of his crummy hallway with a pan of brownies.

 

If Cloud was in any state to care, he would have accused Sephiroth of stalking him to complete what he had set out to do life times ago, but he wasn't. So when Sephiroth became lost for words at the sight of him at the at the door, Cloud only slouched into the door frame, having too little energy to be anything but apathic to anything.

 

"Can I help you?" He asked blankly, his mind already slowing into a half-lethargic state.

 

Sephiroth visibly shook himself out from his stupor and cleared his throat, giving Cloud an uncertain smile. "Oh, hey. Um, I just moved in next door so I wanted to introduce myself to my neighbours." He said, then hesitated.

 

"I brought brownies?" He held the brownies in front of him like a shield.

 

Cloud said nothing, looking down at the brownies first. They looked delicious, chocolate-y and thick. Sephiroth definitely did not skimp on the chocolate chips. Then, his gaze followed the attached arm, up to the fidgiting man. Now that he took the time to really _look_ at him, without fear clouding (heh) his vision, Cloud could see nothing of _Sephiroth_ in him. The two people may share the same name and look nearly identical, but cloud could tell that the Sephiroth before him is different than in his last life. _Sephiroth_ would never have been caught dead outside his house wearing a faded blue T-shirt and lounge pants that near swallowed his slipper-clad feet. _Sephiroth_ would never have gone to a vet for the sake of a stray cat. _Sephiroth_ would never have baked brownies and introduced himself to his neighbours. The biggest difference was that _Sephiroth_ would never have shown himself to be anything other than confident and superior to others. _He_ would never have fidgited or stuttered or left because he was making Cloud nervous.

 

Cloud had no idea what to do with this Sephiroth. If it had been _Sephiroth,_ it would have been simpler: slog through the fight and survive then he could go back to rest. But this Sephiroth was practically a stranger and Cloud currently had zero motivation to navigate any sort of social interactions.

 

Usually, this was the point where Cloud would have taken the pan, thanked him and said a polite yet firm farewell and closed the door, but something held him back. After all these years, there was still a tiny part of him that idolised Sephiroth and Cloud could hardly bear to shut the door in his face. Neither did he have the energy to deny that part of him screaming to erase the saddness written all over his face.

 

He was going to regret this, he just knew it. But ah, fuck it.

 

Cloud opened the door wider and stepped to the side, wordlessly gesturing for Sephiroth to enter.

 

Sephiroth looked surprised, but pleasantly so, by the change of events. His tiny frown smoothening out onto something that vaguely resembled a pleased smile and that tiny part of Cloud did a fist pump at the small success. The rest of him felt numb. 

 

Sephiroth set the pan on the table and Cloud plopped himself onto the couch, immediately molding himself to the shapes of the cushion. He knew that he was being a terrible host, but he had nothing in him to care. Not even the thought of his mother's disapproving frown could make him get up. Getting out of bed and answering the door drained him of pretty much all of the enrgy he had left. Instead, he called out to Sephiroth.

 

"Help yourself to whatever. There isn't much to steal anyway." Cloud mentally winced where his voice came out softer than he'd like, but eh, he didn't give two fucks if Sephiroth had heard him or not.

 

Cloud fell into something of a half-dazed state, staring at a point a little bit above the television screen. He could turn it on- the remote was right in front of him on the coffee table, but that was way too far away.

 

The couch sagged to one side as Sephiroth sat down with two steaming cups of tea. Cloud hadn't even heard him put on the kettle. One was offered to him, which he automatically accepted, but didn't drink, staring into the translucent brown liquid. The thought of raising the cup to his lips exhausted him.

 

Cloud must have spent longer than he had thought gazing into the cup because Sephiroth made a low questioning sound beside him. He could tell that he was worrying Sephiroth, who was looking at him with a concerned frown, but again, he couldn't bring himself to give two shits about it.

 

The longer they sat in his livingroom, the more worried Sephiroth looked, his expression gaining a hint of guilt once the first half hour of silence passed.

 

By that time, Cloud had progressed to staring at the ceiling, watching the dust motes floating through the air. His cup had gone... somewhere. Huh, the room was getting quite dusty. Come to think about it, how long has it been since he cleaned the house? He should vaccum the place... later.

 

The creak of the couch as Sephiroth shifted his weight directed his thoughts to the giant elephant in the room. Honestly, he had no idea what made him allow Sephiroth into his house when most of his nightmares the past month had been about him in some way. He didn't really want to think too deeply as to why Sephiroth even accepted, only to look guiltier the more time passed.

 

It wasn't worth the effort.

 

In the end, the oppressive awkwardness in the silence forced him to speak up. "Sorry, I'm being such awful company right now. You'd caught me on a bad day." Cloud paused, trying to piece together the words he wanted to say. Shit, he hated talking about his feelings. "You don't need to feel obliged to stay. I don't even know why I invited you in." 

 

Cloud didn't hear a peep from Sephiroth for a long moment and he nearly thought that the man had fallen asleep when a hand clasped his arm tightly.

 

"Does this happen often?" Sephiroth asked, surprisingly concerned for an enemy-to-stranger, but Cloud only shrugged. If he was surprised by the question, he didn't show it.

 

"Once in a while." Cloud said. "Sometimes it's worse, sometimes it's better. Eh, you kinda get used to it after a while." A thought suddenly occured to him and he gave the hand on his arm a light pat. "Oh no, don't worry about me. It wasn't because of the memories or anything. I've been fucked up for years already." Cloud laughed to himself self-deprecatingly, a wry twist of his lips. 

 

Sephiroth's frown deepened into a scowl. "Right." He said shortly before he got up from his seat and went into the kitchen, leaving Cloud feeling thrown off by his curt answer.

 

Cloud could hear Sephiroth rummaging through his cupboards followed by an exasperated sigh because Cloud knew that he had nothing but cheap pre-made food packets and a half-eaten box of plain cereal he found in the bargin aisle. 

 

Hmm, he should go grocery shopping too. But later. He'd do it later.

 

Sephiroth came back into the living room, looked at Cloud sprawled across his couch and made a beeline to the door without saying a word.

 

The apartment fell into silence.

 

Cloud sighed in disappointment. He supposed that he could understand why Sephiroth would leave. He wasn't being very good company at all and it wasn't as though he and Sephiroth were friends, but despite of it all, Cloud felt a bit hurt at the abrupt exit.

 

It doesn't matter, Cloud decided. He deserved at least some animosity from the man. He couldn't think of a reason as to why he shouldn't. After all, who wouldn't hate their murderer? And Cloud was his murderer _thrice over._ That's not something one can forget so easily.

 

With that, Cloud fell asleep alone on the couch, exhausted in all sense of the word. As usual on days like these, his naps were not the most restful– his dreams were intense and he woke up feeling more tired than before. This time, Cloud felt that he was experiencing the strangest dream to date. He saw Sephiroth, typical, but he didn't rush at him with the intention to kill, or make any threatening moves against him. On the contrary, this dream-Sephiroth seemed almost caring? It was weird that Sephiroth appeared in his apartment. None of his dreams ever took place here. Then, the dream became even more surreal. Cloud was sure the tall man had covered him with a blanket. Some time later, Sephiroth appeared back in front of him with a large, steaming pot and a bowl, leaving them on the coffee table in easy reach. Cloud could hardly believe his brain. People said that dreams are messages from your subconscious, but what was this suppose to tell him?

 

Nevermind, Cloud wasn't going to question his good fortune. If this was a dream, he was going to make the best of it. Who knew when will be the next time he had a dream as nice as this?

 

Sephiroth came back again, this time with a plate that he placed next to the pot. Cloud couldn't see what it held from his angle and he was reluctant to move, just in case it ended the dream. But, as the man turned to leave, Cloud panicked and his hand snapped up to grab Sephiroth by the wrist, halting him in his tracks.

 

"Sephiroth, I'm sorry I killed you." Cloud refused to make eye contact, feeling off kilter already by the almost too-real texture of Sephiroth's under in his hand. His grip around Sephiroth's wrist flexed, uncertain if dream-Sephiroth would welcome his touch.  His eyes remaind adverted. If he actually met Sephiroth's eyes, Cloud was sure that he would lose his nerve, dreaming be damned. Sephiroth said nothing and Cloud, feeling secure in the knowledge that it was all a dream, confessed. "I understand if you hate me. I mean- I hate myself too for that, more than I hate you." His voice wavered an cracked at the end, his anguish as clear as day.

 

Sephiroth finally reacted, wrenching his wrist from Cloud's weakening grip and spun around to pin him under the force of his glare. "No! Don't you dare apologise! It wasn't your fault- it was mine. If you want to blame someone, don't blame youself. Blame me!" Sephiroth dropped to his knees next to Cloud, grabbing one of his hand in both of his. "Please, don't do this to yourself, Cloud." He begged, eyebrows slanting to give him a pleading look. "Don't hurt yourself for something that was all my fault. Please."

 

Cloud felt his lips curving into a small smile and brought his unoccupied hand to cup Sephiroth's cheek. "Thank you. You're too damn kind." His eyes slid shut and he fell asleep. 

 

Cloud missed whatever reaction Sephiroth had to that because by that point, Cloud had been unconsciously pushing his body to stay awake for hours now, until it couldn't take it anymore and forced Cloud into a deep sleep.

 

The next morning brought Cloud a wave of horrified realisation when he woke up to find himself covered by blankets and a covered pot of pork stew sitting next to a plate of sliced melons and apples on the coffee table.

 

Oh god, that wasn't a dream.

 

The thought struck him with the force of a sixteen wheeler down the freeway.

 

Fuck. His. Life.

 

 

5.

Cloud slouched against the counter, eyes fixed on the second hand of the clock as it ticked every second closer to his freedom.

 

Five minutes left. That is 300 seconds. 3 sets of 100 second. 30 sets of 10 seconds.

 

297 seconds left.

 

God damn. Why is the clock moving so slowly?

 

Cloud was so bored. Since the store opened, there had not been a single customer through the door and Cloud was about to go insane. He had been standing behind the counter for the past five hours of his shift with nothing interesting to do because his boss had the bright idea that sitting down would seem unprofessional.

 

(News flash: it wouldn't)

 

Cloud scoffed. It will be unprofessional if he collapsed in the middle of his shift from exhaustion. How professional could a pet shop clerk be anyway?

 

Cloud blew an irritating lock of hair from his face and pulled himself upright to rearrange the front of the store again.

 

Fucking hell, all he wanted to do right now was sleep.

 

The bell above the door rang and Cloud perked up excitedly. A short lady entered the shop, her woolen hat pulled down low and her coat pulled tight around her body to block out the early winter wind.

 

"Good afternoon. Welcome to Pet Pals. How may I help you today?" 

 

The lady tucked her hat into the pocket of her coat and pulled her collar down. "Hello! Do you sell any gluten-free and grain-free cat food?"

 

Cloud nodded, "Sure we do. Would you prefer salmon or chicken? We also recently stocked up on a new flavour if your cat likes tuna and shrimp." He showed the lady the three different coloured cans.

 

The lady hummed, tapping her chin in thought. Finally, she pointed at the salmon can. "I'll take five of these... and two of these. Oh! Actually no. Mcfluffy hates chicken and she always cries if i give her shrimp, the spoilt thing. So none of those, thanks. You wouldn't believe the amount of noise she made that one time I gave her shrimp by mistake. Would not even look at me for an hour after that and she made sure I knew that she was ignoring me by following me around the house."

 

Cloud picked up the cans, nodding absent mindedly at appropriate timings as the lady regaled him with more tales about her handsome Mcfluffy. He made quick work of checking out her items and bagging them.

 

"That would be a hundred twenty-five and fourty cents, please." Cloud read out the total.

 

The lady rummaged through her bag and dumped a bunch of crumpled notes and a pile of coins on the counter. "I think that this should cover it."

 

Cloud swallowed an explosive sigh and bent down to painstakingly count the money. Just as he thought, there wasn't a single denomination above five.

 

The bell above the door chimed again and Cloud looked up to greet the new customer. Then, he got a good look at their face and never has his face turned such a bright red so quickly. Cloud ducked his head immediately to continue counting the money.

 

Hmm wow. This sure is interesting.

 

Soft laughter had him glancing up mid-count. The lady was smirking at him, hand carefully covering the bottom half of her face, but there was no hiding the knowing look on her face. Thankfully, Sephiroth had disappeared deeper into the shop.

 

Cloud could feel his face flaming hotter and he knew that his flush had probably extended down his neck. "What?" He asked hotly, sharper than he had intended, but the lady did not take offence, laughing again instead.

 

 

"Oh, nothing." She waved a hand. "It's just that the young man who came in had the exact same expression as you."

 

Cloud stared at her with his jaw hanging open. His cheeks were still burning. Cloud fumbled with the money on the table. "Here is your change. Thank you for shopping at Pet Pals. We hope you come back again." He said in a rush, dumping the coins and reciept into her hands as well as her purchases, and hoping that she will leave immediately.

 

No such luck.

 

The lady rummaged through her bag and slid over one of the salmon food cans with a wink. "Here, give him this. He looks like a cat person." She flounced out of the shop without another word, leaving Cloud looking stupid and holding a can of specialty cat food.

 

He snaped out of it as soon as the door shut and shoved the can into one of the shelves below the counter. Cloud could hear Sephiroth wandering the shelves, picking out a few things and dumping them into his basket. He looked desperately at the clock, hoping that his shift was over so he could escape through the back door without getting into trouble with his boss.

 

Shit. Two mintues left.

 

Would it be too much to hope that Sephiroth would need two minutes to decide between cat litter brands?

 

Apparently so.

 

Sephiroth appeared in front of the counter, a full minute before Cloud was officially off shift, basket nearly full of cat-related food and accessories. Cloud cursed his shitty luck. He was way too embarrassed to face Sephiroth directly, his mind playing and replaying his dream that wasn't a dream because it was traitorous like that.

 

Fuck, someone kill him now.

 

Seohiroth seemed to be of the same mind because he stayed silent the entire time Cloud rang up his purchases, looking intently at his rising total on the cash register. It was only when Cloud passed over his card and reciepts did Sephiroth open his mouth.

 

"Ah, umm Cloud?" 

 

Cloud raised his head to meet Sephiroth's eyes for all of two seconds before his eyes slid to a point somewhere above his shoulder. Cloud gave a jerky nod to show that he was listening.

 

Sephiroth cleared his throat and shuffled his feet, picking at a the edge of the plastic bags nervously. "I- uhm- I wanted to apologise." He ducked his head, shoulders going up to his ears. "For everything. I mean, it probably won't change anything, but-" Sephiroth scowled at the floor. He hated the way he still choked on the words he wanted to say. "I- I know you probably don't want to hear it from me because I'm not me, but this is the best I can give you."

 

Cloud watched as Sephiroth curled on himself, his normally dominating presence diminishing until the small shop seemed cavernous around him in comparison. It hurt to watch Sephiroth beat himself over something he should not be blamed for.

 

"I hope that you can forgive me."

 

And yet, Cloud found it so difficult to separate the man who made him food and stayed with him when he had one of his bad days, from the man who nearly destroyed an entire planet. 

 

Sephiroth rocked back on his heels in surprise when Cloud thrust something under his nose. On closer inspection, it was a can of cat food he'd been eyeing, but ultimately decided was to expensive to buy. Sephiroth raised his head a bit, peeking at Cloud. He was glaring at the counter like it personally offended him while keeping his arm outstretched, white-knuckling the cat food. Sephiroth had to duck his head again to hide his grin as he accepted the food with a soft thanks.

 

It wasn't complete forgiveness, but he thinks that they were slowly getting there. 

 

 

6\. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14.

Cloud strode through the streets under the hot afternoon sun, squinting against the sunlight as he tried to find somewhere vaguely study-able. He gnashed his teeth in frustration and hiked up his slipping bag strap.

 

Curse his incorrigible neighbours and their need to have sex at random times of the day _multiple_ _times._ Fuck them and their inability to stay quiet. Cloud is so done with their shit. Do they know how hard it is to study when there is a constant stream of sex noises and squeaking bed springs through the paper-thin walls?

 

Fucking hard. (Pun definitely not intended)

 

Fuck that shit. Now he has to look for a relatively quiet place that wouldn't kick him out for not buying anything other than a pot of tea and the cheapest pastry they have for hours.

 

Cloud walked down the entire street, considering the selection of the numerous cafés available for the typical undercaffeinated student to choose from. Finally, Cloud stopped in front of a cheerful purple sign declaring that the café in question was student friendly. We welcome any and all students to enter!

 

Cloud narrowed his eyes at the sign suspiciously. A café like this? A street away from the university's main campus? That was too good to be true. He reread the sign to make sure he wasn't seeing wrong and sure enough, at the bottom left corner in font size eight, there was an asterisk symbol, followed by the proclamation that students must buy food and drinks worth at least twenty five dollars per two hours of staying. Cloud rolled his eyes. Of course.

 

Still, he didn’t turn away immediately and entered the shop. Maybe he'll take a short look around?

 

The café was well-lit by sunlight and spacious, rectangular tables dotting the place to give the students studying in there ample room for their books and whatnot. Though filled mostly with students, it was relatively quiet, but Cloud should have expected it because everyone was too busy working to make too much noise.

 

Ordering a pot of tea and a slice of cake to stay, Cloud thanked the baristas and turned around, only to realised that he evidently haven't planned things out because there wasn't a single empty table he could see. He glanced back to the baristas rushing about and wondered if it was worth it to brave the front to ask for a to-go transfer. Thinking about the stress they were under, Cloud decided that it wasn't worth it. He knew what it was like to try and enter a flow only to have some jackass interrupting it with an ill-timed request.

 

Walking through the café with tray in hand, Cloud scanned the room and was about to work up the courage to ask the least threatening-looking person in the shop if he could share their table when he noticed Sephiroth sitting in the back corner of the room. He had a notebook in one hand and a pencil in the other, idly sketching in  the sunlight.

 

Since the last time they met at the pet shop, something within Cloud had eased. His nightmares were not as intense as before, nor did they occur as often. Seeing Sephiroth right not did not trigger any thoughts of Sephiroth or Cloud and he took it as a sign that he was finally moving on from the past.

 

Perhaps this was another sign from the universe? Another road to a speedier recovery? Cloud could only guess.

 

Mustering his courage, Cloud picked his way over to Sephiroth's table, clearing his throat and awkwardly shifting on his feet until the silver haired man looked up from his notebook, eyebrows raised in surprise.

 

"Um hey Sephiroth, could I– uh, is this seat free?" Cloud grimaced and gave him a shaky smile. If his hands were not occupied, he would be rubbing the back of his head.

 

Sephiroth blinked a few times as though not believing his eyes before breaking out into the widest smile Cloud had ever seen on his face. For some reason, Cloud felt his ears heat up in response and hoped desperately that his hair was enough to cover them.

 

"Yes! Of course, here. Sit, sit!" He shuffled the pencils and papers strewn across the table to make space for Cloud's tray.

 

Cloud murmured a soft thanks and set his things down, trying to keep to his side of the table and avoid knocking into Sephiroth's long legs under the table.

 

After an initial awkwardness where the both of them figured out where their stuff should be, the rest of the afternoon passed surprisingly pleasantly before Cloud had to leave for his night shift, essays completed.

 

They made no plans before Cloud left for the night, but when Cloud entered the café again the following week at the same time, Sephiroth was already sitting at the same corner, this time reading a book with a pair of thick rim spectacles perched on his nose.

 

Cloud had to fight down a smile as he picked his way through the café.

 

Again, and again they meet, and soon it became a Thing. An unspoken but mutually agreed weekly meet up. So far, neither of them had missed a single one.

 

Usually, Sephiroth would be the first to arrive, purchasing a cup of hot mocha and a slice of the cake of the week or cup of iced latte depending on his preference for the day. Cloud would arrive about an hour later, fresh from his daily hibernation with a pot of tea and the cheapest pastry from the case that helps him reach the twenty-five dollar quota. At seven thirty, Cloud would be the first to pack up and leave for his night shift at a help centre two blocks from the café. Sephiroth would leave half an hour later to grab dinner on the way home.

 

The silence between them was comfortable, as though they had known each other for years instead of months. (Technically true, but considering that most of them consisted of hero worship and murderous intentions, Cloud thinks that they shouldn't count.)

 

Three meetings in since their Thing started, they included short conversations during lulls in their concentration– when Cloud could not stand to look at another sentence about animal bone structures in comparison to others and Sephiroth gave up on trying to understand why the damn line _doesn't look right._

 

Cloud found out that Sephiroth works in the day care around the corner. Wednesdays and Thursdays were his only free days of the week. He named the cat he rescued Dumpling. He’s 5 years older than Cloud and moved over after quitting his job as a paediatrician in the next town over. When asked why, Sephiroth shrugged and said that after regaining his memories, he didn’t want to be near anywhere remotely like a laboratory, especially in relation to children. A clean break felt best, Sephiroth said and Cloud understood.

 

In return, Sephiroth learnt that Cloud was perusing a degree in veterinary sciences under a scholarship, working three jobs and hates having anything in his tea. He was an orphan since he was twelve after his parents died in a hit and run. He prefers the company of animals to people most of the time, except for certain exceptions. Cloud had a hint of pink on his cheeks when Sephiroth gave him another one of his bright smiles. Those should be illegal.

 

During finals week when Cloud was drowning under his studies, Sephiroth even bought him an extra-large pot of tea and dinner, sitting with him until the café closed, forcing Cloud to pack up. (He had quit his job at the call center in preparation for his examinations.) It was during times like these where Cloud wondered if they could ever have a relationship remotely like this in their past life. But he brushed such thoughts away as soon as they formed. There was no point dwelling in the past when the real Sephiroth was right in front of him now– kind, awkward and such a dork that it sometimes hurts his heart.

 

Right before they parted ways for the day, the week after he submitted his final paper, Cloud asked Sephiroth, in a spur of the moment, if he wanted to come over for a movie later. Expecting to be rejected, Cloud was thrown for a loop when Sephiroth accepted, quite enthusiastically. It made the now familiar rush of heat pool at his ears and his cheeks.

 

God damn that smile. Could he not?

 

 

15.

Sephiroth came by at around seven, bringing a few containers of naan and butter chicken from the Indian restaurant a block away. After stuffing themselves full, they retired to the couch where they curled up around Cloud’s sinfully huggable cushions, waiting for the beginning credits of Princess Diaries 2 to end– Sephiroth’s choice first since he was a guest, then the second movie would be Cloud’s.

 

They fell into a lethargic state as the movie progressed, the food coma catching up to them. Soon, the both of them shuffled on the couch until Cloud was resting his head on Sephiroth’s shoulder, while the other man leaned back against the couch. Cloud blinked lazily at the screen, grinning slightly when Princess Mia stomped on the asshole’s foot. That had always been his favourite scene, though Cloud couldn’t help but think that she should have just stomped harder and broke it instead of bruising it. He would have done that and it definitely would have saved her a lot of trouble later. But, ah, he supposed that that was how the movie was supposed to progress.

 

“ _Sephiroth_.” Cloud tilted his head up, feeling the shoulder under his head jerk in surprise. Wide, green eyes peering down into his. Sephiroth wasn’t looking at Cloud anymore. No, those eyes were too old for such a youthful face. Cloud was the one talking to him.

 

He swallowed thickly around a heavy tongue. He opened his mouth to reply, and yet no sound came up. A few false starts, _Cloud_ waiting patiently for Sephiroth to put his words in order. “Yes _Cloud_?” He asked, throat as dry as the desert. 

 

“I forgive you.”

 

The words caused Sephiroth’s breath to halt in his chest. He could hardly believe that he’d heard them. They rang like giant gongs at the bottom of his heart, sending all of his buried anxiety and guilt tumbling down upon one another like a domino tower, crashing into the forefront of his mind like the thunderous waves against rocky shores at high tide. His thoughts scattered like the wind, leaving him fumbling for something to say. Anything. As long as he could verbalise the sheer relief that washed through his entire being at those three words. He choked on the words that were crammed in his throat. He had so much to say, yet not a single sound escaped his mouth.

 

Infinitely tender hands brushed against his face, coming away wet and Sephiroth bit down on his trembling lips, restraining the sob that ached to be released by sheer force of will. Cloud shushed him quietly, wiping away the tears that wouldn’t stop falling and Sephiroth hated himself a little for putting such a worried look on Cloud’s face again. He grappled with uncooperative muscles, forcing his lips to part and his tongue to curl into the shape he wanted.

 

“I– I forgive you t–too.” They came out hoarse and breathless, hardly intelligible and with desperation bursting from every syllable– nearly mouthing them with how soft they were. Sephiroth felt so ashamed with himself. What happened to the great general who could lead armies to victory? The one who loved his SOLDIERs with as much love as his fucked-up heart could give? The one who would not hesitate to apologise to them if he messed up? And here he was, reduced to poor excuse of a man, unable to say three simple words with half as much confidence as he should to the man he hurt more than anyone else; to the man who had forgiven him first even though he was the one who should be on his knees begging for forgiveness. Never had his body failed him so– not in Nibelheim when Jenova took over his mind- not in the basement of ShinRa Mansion. It was disgraceful of him to be so pathetic. Sephiroth closed his eyes– more tears spilling down his cheeks. He could hardly look at Cloud, fearing that he might find disappointment condemning him for being so weak.

 

I forgive you too.  _For killing me, even though I was the one who attacked you first; even though you don’t need to be forgiven; even though I should never be forgiven. I don’t know why you are asking for my forgiveness when you don’t need to be forgiven for anything. I would give my soul– my very self– just so that you would never have to live through such hell ever again. Not by my hand nor by anybody else’s. I'm sorry. I'm so sorryI'msorrysorrysorry._

 

None of those words came. Sephiroth was so weak. Too weak to be worthy of Cloud’s forgiveness. Let alone his love.

 

Those gentle hands cupped his face again, tilting it up until he was looking into Cloud’s bright blue eyes and Sephiroth was drowning in them. Gone was the wariness that Cloud had when they met at the vet’s. It had disappeared a long time ago. In its place was an ocean of kindness that swept Sephiroth off his feet and into its depths. Sephiroth never felt more blessed in his life.

 

“Thank you, Sephiroth.” Cloud said, smiling at Sephiroth as though he could banish the darkness of his thoughts with his sunshine. Cloud wiped his tears away and shushed him gently as he trembled in his hands. “It took me a while to learn this, but you should never doubt that you are worthy of forgiveness. You should never have to hate yourself. I hope that one day, you’ll be able to see that too.”

 

Sephiroth felt the strength in the hands holding him up above the tide and the conviction in his voice, so firm and resolute, and the corners of his lips curled in a tentative smile, unsteady under the force of his guilt and self-loathing– the face of his greatest failure staring right back at him. But it was a smile all the same. Perhaps Cloud’s sunshine could not chase away all of his darkness, just like how he could not protect Cloud from every single one of his own demons, but it was enough.

 

Yeah, this was more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit. This is the most I have ever written for a single chapter.
> 
> Now I finally understand why people hate writing and posting on their phones. Formatting by itself was a nightmare and a half especially when you are in a foreign country and have no access to steady wifi. Don't get me stared on actally writing and going back to edit on mobile. So sorry if anything looks wonky. Drop me a message if you see formating errors.
> 
> Omg I thought that I was gonna go crazy. I was so scared my phone would crash on me and I'd lose everything and poor Sephykins would have nothing for Christmas. Thankfully, my phone and I pulled through (narrowly). Phew.
> 
>  
> 
> For the names:
> 
> Sephiroth is a plural noun in Hebrew; the singular is Sephirah (also spelled Sefira). The Sephiroth are described in the Kabbalah as the manifestations of God that allow Him to manifest in the physical and metaphysical universes.
> 
> From a common Jewish surname which was derived from Hebrew כֹּהֵן (kohen) meaning "priest". This surname was traditionally associated with the hereditary priests who claimed descent from the biblical Aaron.
> 
> From Middle High German rihtære (richter), means "judge".
> 
>  
> 
> Just saying, I have no experience owning pets or ever buying anything or working anywhere pet related so if anything seems off, attribute it to being a quirk of that universe.
> 
>  
> 
> If you want to read more stuff that I've written, you are welcome to find me on my [tumblr](http://herperlo-d.tumblr.com)!


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